ENDURANCE

ENDURANCE

To keep going and going and going

It is hard to keep going. It is hard to keep going strong. It is hard to finish strong.

I have had to endure more than I ever would have imagined.

I wanted to finish strong. At some points if I just finished I would have been happy.

The picture above is of a woman doing an exercise move called a plank. I was advised to hold that exercise move for a full minute, 60 seconds, or a better description of time, an eternity.

The plank position is a hard position to hold. The time goes by so slow. My body would shake. My muscles would cry out to be relieved of the position, and most times when the 6o seconds were up, I would cry.

Jesus endured the cross because he was focused on the joy. He made a choice. This past year and a half I made a choice. It was nothing like the choice Jesus made, but it was one choice that affected a multitude of choices that had to be made on a daily basis.

That phase of my life is over and I did endure. I give God all the glory for that. It was by his strength that I was able to endure. I learned that God will give me the strength I need.

Endurance takes commitment. It is a choice. It is hard. I can do hard things.

I learned doing hard things is hard, but it is possible.

I HAVE HATED

I am not proud of that. At first I wanted to deny that I felt that way. I cannot hate, I must have love and forgiveness when people wrong me. At least that is how I thought Christians were suppose to feel. I really fought those feelings for a long time. Then I realized that I could no longer deny what God already knew.

Why do I act like I can fool God? Why do I think I can just go on and pretend that God thinks everything is fine, when I know I am not fine and God knows I am not fine?

It was hard to admit it to my heavenly Father. It was hard to say it out loud, to hear from my own mouth that I hated. I was ashamed of how I felt. My feelings of hate were so strong and there was no down playing them or excusing them. I did feel they were justified, but it still didn’t make it right in my heart to keep these feelings.

I felt hate but I did not want it to make its home in my heart, my soul or my mind. I did not want hate to be a part of me. My feelings of hate were not going to subside, neither could I think I would not feel this way again, so I needed to do something with these feelings or they were going to multiply. I could not allow that.  These feelings of hatred were not what God wanted for me.

In Titus 3:3,4 the Bible says, “For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; ” (KJB).

Because of Christ I am different. When I live in the flesh I am acting like I do not have God in my life. I am acting like the world. I am so thankful that God sent his son Jesus to die for my sins, and to show that appreciation, I want to act like I am a Christian.


I want God to use me and I am not usable if I keep feelings like hatred in my life. Feelings of hatred are my problem, no anyone else’s. I need to make the choice to give my hatred to God. For my own sake. My feelings of hatred where not effecting the persons they were focused towards. I was the one dealing with them. In time, I believe hatred would have spread like a cancer to other areas of my life. They would be destroying my life, not the persons’ life I was hating.

What I have learned is:

1.   I am very capable of hating.

2.   When I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me of the sin of hatred. (I John 1:9)

3.   I need to forgive the person(s).

4.   Repeat 2 and 3 as needed.

Looking for a Hero

 

John Wayne rides into town and he is not fooled by the bad guys. He has the upper hand and with his guns, a straight shot. He out smarts the bad guys and with the quick draw of his gun, he wins the battle for the good guys.

Superman catches the falling girl from the building and stops the train before it crashes. There are no worries with Superman flying around. He shows up just in the nick of time to save the day.

I have been watching the television series Highway to Heaven. In the show, Jonathan who is an angel, gets sent by God to go from town to town helping people who are in a crisis. Jonathan is no Clarence from It’s a Wonderful Life. Jonathan is tough and yes, he turns the other cheek, but then he gives out a heavenly punch to set things straight. He is there to help out the underdog and to give everyone a happy ending. The bad guys do not get away with anything. Jonathan makes sure they get their consequences, immediately. Why isn’t Jesus like Jonathan from Highway to Heaven? Why doesn’t Jesus come in to our world of stress and confusion and save the day?

Those dreams of a hero may be promoting doubt in the God of the bible because there is such a significant difference in behavior and outcome between Jesus and this world’s heroes. As all the heroes claim to be good and want the good people to have victory; Jesus, who is our Saviour, acts so much differently than the heroes of this world.

Do I so easily forget that Jesus came to seek them which are lost? To bind up the wounded and heal the broken hearted. Isn’t that every one of us? Jesus doesn’t take sides. He seeks everyone. That doesn’t seem fair. It’s unjust. Everyone is loved not matter what they do. Jesus came to seek that which is lost. You know… the bad guys.

John Wayne doesn’t come to help the bad guys.

Jesus is meek, mild, and humble. Jesus would not act like John Wayne but I still want him to come into my situation and make things right. I want Jesus to right the wrongs in my life, to vindicate me and to give me the happy ending of my problems. To make it all right.

Is that how the Jews misunderstood the Bible? They were looking for a king to come and take over and wipe out the enemy.  When this child came, born in a manger, I think that threw them off. This meek man who healed the lame and cured the sick and sought after the unlovable; He was not the king who they had learned about in the temple their whole life. They did not see that he was the King of kings and Lord of lords. Did they see someone weak? The Jews did not see his plan and they would not listen to his message. They missed it. The missed Him. He was right there and as they were looking for a hero they missed the real Messiah right in their midst.

If Superman, Jesus, and John Wayne were in a line up, would we really pick Jesus? I would not have. I would have picked John Wayne. I would have liked John Wayne to come riding up on his mighty horse Duke and beat up the bad guys and save my honor. He would have given me justice.

Justice.

Jesus doesn’t deal in justice. He deals in mercy. “He looked beyond my faults to find my need,” so the song goes. So that means he must look beyond the faults of the ones hurting me and see their needs as well. Superman just wants the good people safe and the bad people punished; brought to justice. Not Jesus. He is merciful. The Bible is full of verses on mercy.

God’s children are under His grace. So what if I need saving from another Christian?  Where I am looking for justice, there is only mercy and grace. I so soon forget the wrongs I do to others. The ones I offend by my words or my actions. I don’t want justice then. I beg for mercy. I seek forgiveness. I wonder if that is what my offender is doing. Would it matter if it wasn’t?

Do I want to have the outcome be what God’s will is for my life; or would I secretly still like John Wayne to come riding in to make everything all right?

Jesus is no John Wayne and I have learned to be very thankful that he is not. Because when I was God’s enemy he did not seek justice from me. He sought a solution to reconcile us together. He had mercy on me and showed me grace. God knew there was a price to pay and I was unable to ever pay that price for sin. So, God sent his only begotten Son to die for my sins and yours. There on the cross, justice is served.

I learned I do not need a hero. I do not want justice. I need Jesus. Jesus is not a superhero. He is mercy. I have learned I need mercy.

 



The Written Word

I would like to share with you what I have learned these past months. When I first started on this journey, I never imagined the lessons would be so plentiful like fruit on a tree ready for the picking.

            One lesson I learned was writing letters and notes to my children. At the time, I did not realize it was part of a lesson. I felt compelled to express my love to my children by writing them notes. I didn’t say anything profound. Just that I loved them and I will be praying for them. I wrote them my thoughts about specific character traits that I was proud of or areas in their life I know that they are working on to improve. I wanted my children to know that I noticed them. I want them to know that their life and how they are responding to their life is important to me. I did not wait until there were problems. I have done this for years but I did not see the results of that decision until just recently, when my daughter Emily found a stack of letters and notes I had given her a while ago. She was reading them over and it made her cry. She shared them with me and asked me to read them to her. We both cried together. We got her a special box to keep those special treasures in. I learned that writing notes to my children will become a precious treasure to them in the years to come. Over these past months I had given my children lots of notes. I had put notes secretly in their lunches or in their backpacks for school.  Since our children have two homes, I will be sending them letters in the mail that they will get when it is their week with their dad.
            Our heavenly Father has done the same thing when he provided us with His written Word. First, God used the words of the Bible to guide us and tell us of his love for us. Then, when the Word became flesh in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, God was able to express his ultimate love for us by giving his Son to pay the penalty due for our sins. We have our King James Bible to remind us of God’s love, mercy and forgiveness because if you are anything like me, we will forget. We need to read our Bibles, God’s love letter to us, every day so as to keep His thoughts of us fresh in our minds.

Here are some ideas you could do for you children:

Now a days you could send your kids an email that they will receive the next time they check it.

Leave notes in the refrigerator when they go to look for a snack or a drink.

Put notes in their shoes.

In their books or bible, who know when they will stumble across it!

Do you have any ideas to add? Leave them in the comment area.

This Path I Am On

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Proverbs 3:5,6 King James Bible

          This path that I have been on has not gotten any easier with time. It seems the momentum of the battle is getting more strenuous or could it be that I am getting weary on this journey. The path seems to be a constant climb in elevation. At times I can feel the oxygen getting thinner and it is harder to breathe. It has been painful. So extremely painful. No physical wounds that I can bandage up or take a pill to dull the pain. Hurt that can be so unbearable. It has been brutal on my emotions as well as my spirit. It has been grueling on my walk with the Lord. I have experienced doubt, fear, and loneliness. I have had to endure so much with no arms to comfort me. I have had to stand alone against lies that have been told about me. I will not even go into the heart wrenching emotions that are involved with the treatment of my children during this nightmare.

          In all of this and so much more I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Seriously, no where else. This is the path that I know that God has for me. He is here with me every step of this baren path I trod. Am I only going to trust him when things are going good and the weather is fair? I found out that I am better than that. I have seen God's strength in me when I was all tapped out. I have felt his presence when I thought I was alone. I have experience the victory that only the cross of Calvary can offer. I want to be where my Lord is no matter what the conditions are. I learned that as well. Hymns have a renewed meaning. I really hear what they say. Like this one. Did I really believe that I would trust the Lord through it ALL? Only by His grace.

Through It All

Written by- Andrae Crouch

Verse 1:
I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.

Chorus:
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

Verse 2:
I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

Chorus

Verse 3:
I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do.

Unorganized Blessings!

 Again, it has been a long time since I have been able to coupon. My book was so out of wack and I have not had the time or energy to sit down and put it together. After being about 2 months behind I finally was able to get my book together and had a very little amount of coupons to work with but  God let me have a good time anyway!

The gum I paid 98 cents for all six!

 The toothpaste which normally goes for around $3.50 or more I purchased for 48 cent each plus they came with a sample and $10 in coupons!! The tape was 39 cents each and the laminated pouches 34 cents.

I thank God so much for making my dollars stretch! This week the Sunday paper will have FOUR INSERTS! I can't wait to see what God is going to do next!!

Past, Present, and Future

August 27, 2011

The present:

This year it is on a Saturday. This year it is a very hot day. This year there is a birthday party  going on. This year I sit in my own apartment. This year turmoil and peace are a common mixture.

The past:

On this day 3 years ago my mother passed. On this day 3 years ago I was there by her bedside scared and nervous of the up coming event. On this day 3 years ago, I had peace knowing that it was over. The pain and struggle was over. On this day 3 years ago my life as I knew it would never be the same.

The future:

One year from now. One year from today what is this day going to be like? Today is a day of dreaming, of hoping and going forward. God only knows what his plans are for me. I am anxious and excited. I am hopeful, very hopeful.