Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Don't Understand God

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
Isaiah 55:8

You think you know Someone and then He does the unexpected.

Everything was going along as planned and God just does what he wants when he wants to do it. Without clearing it with me first or even asking my permission!

I just don't get Him. Why can't He just act like what I think he should?

I have come to realize that I had God in this nice tidy little box and everything was just fine.

Well, I guess not for Him and I am so glad for that!

I don't want God to be only what I think He is capable of or only what I imagine Him to be. I want God to be God.

He is so amazing and I know he is doing what is best for me. I know God loves us just the same. The Bible says He is "no respector of persons" but I just can't help feeling spoiled most of the time.

I am glad God does just what He wants.

I heard it said once, "What kind of a God would He be if we could figure Him out."

Oh, that was so true for me this week.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

It Will Change You

The hardest thing you will do.
The easiest thing to do.
A little whisper or whimper.
A shout or a cry.

The Lord is nigh unto us, waiting to hear from us. That is what I believe the bible teaches. I have also experienced it in the last several months. I have been through a trial so hard and quiet that I even wondered if God was any where near me. Did he know what I was going through? Did he understand that I needed answers? Did he see that my heart was being broken and I was hurt and confused? Yes, he did. He was there all the time. Showing me tenderly that he heard me and he was there, right there going through this hard and quiet time with me.

He was teaching me.

Teaching me to lean on him and to trust him. He knows what is best for me and what he wants for me is just around the corner. Right out of sight. He was teaching me to keep doing what I know to do and the blessings are on their way. He taught me to be patient and wait.

He is teaching me to be thankful. To look around and see the blessings in my life. My well being is not defined by one area of my life but the full picture. I have wonderful friends, good health, healthy children.

He is teaching me to pray. Prayer. People smarter then me have written books on prayer and have preached on prayer but it doesn't seem real until you know that God heard you. He heard what you said. The Almighty God heard me. Me. Little ole me. That is pretty remarkable. I learned a lot about prayer.

I learned how important it is to pray. Pray about everything. What you think is little and the big things too. I can not guarantee that praying will change what you are going through but I can say it will change you. I was changed by praying. My situation has not changed and it is going on so long but prayer has changed me.

I guess  I should explain now why that blue Fj Toyota is the picture for this post. In the past our family has had things that reminded us that God loves us. For example, I have a Schwan truck, Hannah has horses and Josh has a FedEx truck. When we see those things we rejoice in the love of God for that person. The blue Toyota was a reminder to us to pray for a certain person. Whenever we would see that car we would know to pray for that person. For the past 4 or 5 months I have seen that car around a lot. I have resented to pray for that person. Did I really want good for that person? Did I want God's blessings on that person? Really?? At first I struggled with those questions and others that seemed to haunt me. What did I believe? What kind of person did I want to be? Do I just want to do the easy things or did I want God to use me even for the hard stuff.

As I argued with God when I saw that blue Toyota I learned that God still wanted to hear what I was saying. I was learning about me. Things my Father already knew about me. I did want the easy things but I wanted the hard things also. I want to be a strong Christian and a good daughter to my Heavenly Father. As I prayed I cannot tell you if it changed that person or not but I know for a certainty that it changed me. I pray easier for this person and I do not cringe when I see the blue Toyota like I used to. Some days are easier than others but I still pray.

Through this hard and quiet time God has taught me several things and the most important one so far is to pray. Just keep praying. He is listening.